Addressing The $#!+

So, here’s a thing….Yesterday, our family had a very major and craptastic event, which I can’t really talk about here.

A lot of times when things are hard we, the whole group of humans, just need to say, “Hey! Anyone who will pay attention! I’m hurting, here!” I had one of those moments and I posted, “The shit hath hitteth the fan.” And if the shit hadn’t hit the fan already, it certainly did then.

Some well-meaning iron sharpeners (Proverbs 27:17 proceeded to try and “sharpen” me.

If I had said poop or doo doo or crap or bull hockey or dookie or fieces, I still would have meant “shit”. Not a single person that read that post would be any the wiser. All would be right in the pretty, perfect, pretender church world. BUT. *Jesus* would know that I was a liar.

Now, I can’t find any scripture about going to hell for saying “shit”, BUT I *do* know that Revelation 21:8 says, But as for cowards and the unfaithful, and the polluted, and murderers, fornicators, and those who practise magic or worship idols, and all liars–the portion allotted to them shall be in the Lake which burns with fire and sulphur…”

You can judge me. You can criticize me. You can correct me. I would rather be in right standing with Jesus than anyone else ANY day.

The good thing about this situation is, I’m confident in who I am and who I am in HIM and what He has placed SO BIG in my heart that if I don’t do it….I’M GONNA BUST! Nobody else has to understand or approve of or answer for my journey. It is mine. I love it, and it is beautiful.

But you have heard of me, right?

a picture story

People always ask why I call myself The Worst Preacher’s Wife Ever. Here it is. In pictures…

I love my peeps,


and my puppy,


and combinations of things sexy and classy, but not trashy, and all things retro pin-up.

anniversary project 9

And tattoos!


I relate to this:


better than I relate to most Christian music.


I am a total Jesus girl and I strive to live like this:


and this:


I am socially awkward


and anxious


and honest



and brave


and courageous.


I am VERY trustworthy


because sometimes, there is just no other word that will do.


I am sarcastic,


have a warped sense of humor,


and I’m real about my messy life.


I don’t like stupid church stuff.


I love this,


but feel like we more often get this:


I like cigarettes and whiskey on occasion(s).


I don’t do boring.


Most of all…..











Super Hero Sighting

The preacher and I were in Aurora this afternoon. We turned onto this street just as a car jumped the median, flipped, and landed on its top in the other direction of traffic. Miraculously, no other vehicles added to the situation.

The preacher real quick like parked in the median and we ran to see if we could help. There was already a small group of men around the car working together to help the driver get out. A young lady was on the phone with 911 and a few other people were keeping an eye on traffic, giving sincerely helpful hints, and just standing at the ready in case something else needed to be done.

The preacher jumped right in and helped the group of men pull the driver from the car. The car was still running and smoke was coming from the exhaust. When the driver and men were clear, I crawled in and turned the car off just as smoke started coming out of the dash.

The absolute beauty of this situation was that, for one brief moment in the history of the world, a group of people with very visible differences in ethnicities, backgrounds, morals, classes, styles, and so on…They each put away their prejudices, their immediate judgements and criticisms and perceptions of totally random strangers. They put away all their differences, thoughts, feelings, and opinions of others for a brief moment and worked so quickly and efficiently together to save someone that probably not a single one of us knew.

It was BEAUTIFUL. It was good and right. It restored my faith in humanity just a teeny molecule. I wish there was more of that.

The Worst Preacher’s Wife Ever Presents: P.M.S Conference, May 2014



The 1st Ever, Ever, Worst Preacher’s Wife Ever’s P.M.S. Conference and Retreat is here! There’s only room for 12 and it will Never Ever cost less than this one time. You get to spend the weekend in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains with room, meals, and four sessions (plus a lot of extra surprises) for only $180!!! (Does not include travel)

Email me to save your spot:

(This is for Preacher’s Wives only.)

With Great Platform Comes Great Criticism ©

My husband is a cowboy preacher. He isn’t just a cowboy preacher. He IS a cowboy. He lives and breathes cowboy.

My man received this e-mail today:

“Every once in a while you are truly inspirational. The stories about
you sometimes get in the way. I love it when you are totally focused
on preaching God’s Word not the latest rodeo escapades. You have a
gift; stick to it……..Thank you.”

Number one:

Don’t. Mess. With. My. Man.

And the other number one is:

God did not choose ANYBODY to be criticizers. Even when the criticism is veiled as a kindness.

I have seen that a great platform comes with great criticism. We get these messages all the time. I do not understand. If you don’t like something…Don’t read. Don’t listen to it. Don’t look at it. Or by ALL MEANS….send tacky e-mails.


I met the cutest three year old little guy yesterday. He was nervous and shy. He looked down at the floor and hid under his cowboy hat.

His parents introduced him to me and tried to get him to shake my hand and say, “Nice to meet you”.

He would not budge.

I knelt down in front of him and told him that he didn’t have to shake my hand. I understood that there were a lot of people in here. A lot of new people, and it was a little bit stranger danger in here.

He held up a small, plastic Batman for me to see. He put Batman’s cape over his head and said, “Batman is hiding.”

“Oh…Is Batman scared?” I asked.

He nodded his head yes.

“It’s okay to be scared when you go some place new with a lot of people you have never met. There are a LOT of people in here. I get scared in here too sometimes.” I told him, then I asked, “What’s your name?”

“Batman,” he said, softly.

“Are you sure that’s your name?” his dad asked.

“Yes! It’s Batman.”

I told him that I thought about changing my name sometimes. I didn’t tell him that I want it to be Lovie. Lovie didn’t seem as cool and brave as Batman.

“So…If you changed your name to Batman, and I sometimes think about changing my name…What do you think is a good, new name for me?”

He thought for a minute and then said confidently, “Spiderman.”


I’m pretty sure I’m okay with being called Spiderman.

“Awesome!” I said. “I like it! Can we shake hands and say ‘Nice to meet you’ now?”

He shook his head ‘yes’ and stuck out his tiny hand.

“Nice to meet you, Batman.”

“Nice to meet you, Spiderman.”



Karma Is An Eyebrow Waxer

I have recently lost some weight and I have one group of jeans in my closet that I am hoping to fit back into some day and another group that I am continuously pulling up and make no sudden moves while wearing them for fear that they will drop to the floor.

Thursday, I went shopping for a couple of new pairs of jeans. I never can find jeans that fit right, so I had pretty much decided that I just don’t like jeans.

I try on several  thousand pairs of  jeans and they either fit me like grandma pants or my butt cleavage is hanging out.

I’m about to give up when I have an epiphany. My two most favorite pairs of jeans in the history of me were jeans that someone had given me and they were guy’s jeans!!!

I race to the men’s department and find several pair of jeans that look pretty gender neutral, yet still cool, and then race back to the women’s fitting room.

As I am trying on my man jeans…..Trying to have some nice relaxing time to myself….A lady comes into the dressing room next to me. She begins talking REALLY LOUDLY on her cell phone.

Her name is Suzanne. Her husband’s name is Mark. Her horse shoer’s name is Brian. (Brian is who she is speaking very loudly on the phone with.) Suzanne is thinking about buying a new horse for some girl, who’s name I actually can’t remember, to ride. The horse is, apparently, a pretty amazing show horse but it needs special shoes. Suzanne needs to schedule Brian, the horse shoer, to come shoe all of her horses but if she buys the show horse, she is going to sell another horse, but she doesn’t know if she is or not, so she guesses she should just call Brian back when she figures everything out.

So…From the protection of my very own dressing room where my peace and happy are being ruined, I say, “SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And then. I am afraid. To leave. The. Dressing Room.

I finally leave without any confrontation with Suzanne and TWO fabulous pairs of guy jeans that neither look like grandma pants or reveal all my butt cleavage to the world and I absolutely LOVE them.

The next day I have my eyebrows waxed. I enter the salon with two okay eyebrows that just need a little shaping up. The eyebrow waxer sends me back into the world with only one and a half eyebrows.

I’m pretty sure that eyebrow waxer’s name is Karma, and I have a suspicion that she was watching out for Suzanne….


Desiderata (Latin: “desired things”) a 1927 prose poem by American writer Max Ehrmann (1872–1945)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


Most clergy and their families carry a heavy load. It is a life of giving where the whole family ends up being involved by proxy. Members of clergy are generally givers and a large number of people take advantage of their giving nature by sucking the life out of them because “it is their duty”.

October is Clergy Appreciation Month. You can learn more about what Clergy Appreciation Month is, why it is necessary, and what you can do here:

And, at least for the rest of this month, be a giver to your clergy and their family. It will be more appreciated than you could ever imagine.

Don’t be a sucker.